Another crazy night

me, myfriend ravi and his best buddy went for a ride on ecr road at half past 12 on july 1st night. this is just for your understanding. leave a comment at the end.

A journey in the dark
set to search and prove the crazyness
that lies under this skin
pushed ourselves to share the free time
close to the nature
unable to find a destiny to the destination
we hit the open roads on bikes
till we fulfilled the passion for riding
as the clock shows beach time
we stepped off the road
and wished to see the waves closely
that are trying to conquer the land
we diverted our journey on the mud road
travelling besides the bushes and trees
standing tall to scare the hell out of us
we saw the road has come to an end
left the bikes safe and silent
started marching on the sand
all of a sudden a pale look on all our faces
a strange sound by a bird deep inside bushes
made us question about the place
but the heaven on earth is just a few steps ahead
even though the fear is upon us we couldn't stop
laughed and marched into the beach
we were thrilled at the beauty of the place
its really gods own place
the straight and long shore line
under the dim half moon light
cool breezes from the sea
filled with fog and mist
passing our way
with slow and lazy waves
hitting our legs with a sensitive touch
the place is quiet and lonely
no light in the sight of eye
except the dim half moon light
trying to hide behind the clouds
alone and calm
we were walking slowly on the beach
with conversations full of silence
hearts filled with unnamed joy
the time passed unnoticingly
leaving a good memory
deep inside our hearts
this waves just can't stop
till the end
which reminds of my wish
while i can only wish my wishes
a very good luck
to make the best memory for this life
thank you

Summer of 007

lift the heads high and steady
keep the silence full and up
let the heart work instead of ears
cos this is my life
it is not what it used to be
lost it all under the heat of summer
in a room full of darkness
lying down on my death bed
holding myself tightly
praying to the gods and the angels
how I fell for it and lost myself
at the critical time of life
giving a different image to everyone
Every time they look at me
taking the pain as a punishment
The summer has left upon me
Waving to all those moments
As I fall behind the time
While the sun is showing his anger
summer took my career and sleep
bet me down morally and physically
Took everything that I can’t replace
made me felt death is better than life
Shook me with a disturbance that I can’t withstand
With all those times that I can’t name
With all those scars that I can’t erase
The summer is gone
Teaching me some good lessons
That made me feel
Life is more than just a challenge
I realize I can’t force others wishes
For what I’m
With the seasons changing
Bringing in rains along with the hopes
I see myself shooting for the moon
I’ll be happy if I can catch a star
Just to prove that my love is true
As I wish my wishes to be remarkable
Wish me all the best

The shadow and me

Time is running, this life is falling
All the debts are standing tall and pending
Moments are passing while I’m not caring
My Heart is drinking everything
Leaving me with nothing
Tears are freezing along with the nights
The sight of the future is missing
Taking choice out of choice
Opportunities are high and unconvincing
Leaving the mind to its own
While I’m ready to lend a hand
Nights are getting tougher and tougher
Days are becoming useless
Another Soul is getting wasted
In the name of the holy word called love
It’s just not okay
This life is more than ordinary
every moment is meant to be a super journey
the world i live in and the tears i'm dropping
everything is saying its the time to go
With the shadow still standing beside
a new life is waiting on the other side
Feels like i need more than myself
Just to be on the other side
It’s okay I’m always a loner
untill the shadow beside me comes alive
all that remains in the end is
when can i build a bridge
to take me on to the otherside
with the past still standing upon me
i'm trying, i'm building a bridge
which can bring the shadow to life

The broken glass

Just a glass, just another glass
Shining look on its face
From the glow on my face
Showing scratches of the past
With a smile on its face
Banged in by my hand
Just in a matter of glance
Defeated till the end
With the echo of the falling pieces
Resonating all over the place
Leaving the mark on my hand
With a blood oozing wound
Piercing into my heart
Telling me it’s a foolish moment
Realized by the truth
Looked into the broken glass
While the shattered glass pieces
Laughing boldly at me
Questioning me what I’ve achieved
Other than ruining the glass
How can I tell the broken glass?
That my life is no different from yours
Except the fact
that I’m human and one chapter ahead of it
Believe it or not dear
There is no space for broken things in this world
Forgive the world if they treat you the same
And wish me good luck
While I try not to loose control again
In the rest of my cursed life
Good bye

straight from the hell

its been a while
i see myself in the mirror
its been a while
i stopped thinking about her
its been a while i'm with the time
now i can see things changed
changed against my will
i realise i'm on top of the hell
the hell inside me
full of clouds
filled with hate and misery
while i was lost in those clouds
suffocating with pain and agony
everyone is judging me of insanity
i kept proving to myself for my love
its really amazing that
the pattern of love and insanity are almost same
but its ok, its all the same
just like the things in this matrix
i'm happy that i'm no more plugged into the matrix
but the real fact that
she will move far from my sight
is disturbing me till the tip of the roots
but its ok, i deserve that
sometimes this is the only way
the hard way
when i know that she will always be with me
only thing that matters is
she will be with me or
she will not be with me
i'm proud to say that she will be in my heart forever
i have a long path to travel
burning in this hell
i'm unable to forgive myself
so you tell my angel
that my feelings for her are real
and will always be fresh and true

My heart and its box

my heart, you are my heart
high at stars, in the sky of night
deep to bottom, in the ocean of pain
with your bleedings and fire
set me up to burn alive
killing all my dreams
with all your feelings
making the worst days of life
i'm unable to get over you
unable to let you do like this
not like this, not at all like this
i can't carry you anymore
no matter how important you are
this time i don't need you
so on this dark time of my life
while the coldest blood running through me
i'm planning to lock you in the box
yes the real heart shaped metal box
burried deep inside me
where i can't hear what you say
i can't feel your beat
i can't see, while you try your tears
i can't take your pain anymore
i tried to convince you
this thing ain't worth my life
i have paid for all the things i've done
i know that we will meet again
cos i'll leave the key to god
untill god plays his card
to make me free you
please don't stop beating
but, before i lock you inside
let me say while you hear that
you are my everything
without you i'm just a dead meat,
don't forget to keep this feelings with you
and never forgive me
never forgive me, never forgive me

my perception about love

life is too small to actually gain the full knowledge about love. infact purpose of life is to learn love and give love in return. it is the greatest thing we ever learn in this short span of life. there might be so many things in our lives, but love has some unique qualities which makes it the greatest. here in this post i would like to give my views about love.

what is love that is the first question every one will be curious to know. no one in the past has given a perfect definition about love, but everyone has set an example for love and derived a few ideas about what is love. one of the idea most people will accept is love is a feeling of heart. i do accept on this and want to say that this feeling is just not like anyother feeling. it will be blind, like the origin and strength of this feeling will be mostly not is ones control. ofcourse people can live without love but, the ultimate achievement for anyone in the end is satisfaction with the heart. people spends all their life time trying to find this satisfaction in one thing or the other. its in the nature of the humans itself that they can never be completely satisfied, but satisfaction to certain degree will be a real achievement. one thing to be noticed here is satisfaction with the heart. if someone works along with the heart to achieve his satisfaction, the person will be definitely satisfied and at any stage of the life.

one thing i can surely say about love....if you want to control the world that you are living in.. and push yourself from static to dynamic motion then love is the only force which can make that happen.

to be continued...

The life of death

a true soul
with a bleeding heart
wounded by a rejection
for the feeling of my love
cursed by this place
throwed myself into the ocean
the ocean of pain
with the limbs tied to a stone
the stone of pride
just to make me sink
with the love of my parents
i found myself, hanging to the edge
the edge of responsibilities
crushed down by these forces
i'm unable to sink into depths
keeping this balance
i see myself
carried away by every wave
far away from the sound of the horn
coming from the ship of hope
while the cool breezes of oppurtunites
passing on my way
i'm floating with sickness
along with memories of past
that are feasting upon me
i'm dreaming to fly high in the open sky
listening to the music of the birds
flapping above my head
cheating myself of the shores
drinking the water of misery
unable to save my life
as the time passes by
i'm waiting, i'm floating
i'm living a life of death
praying to god, for my angel
to rescue me
from this life of death

heart vs brain: love mania

judge: hello dear heart and brain, lets discuss
heart: what to discuss... this matter is not to discuss
brain: why not... why can't you compromise... you are hurting our dude... infact because of you everyone is getting pained
heart: yes you can blame me for that... but i'm helpless you know... this matter is my life... not to compromise... why don't you understand me...
judge: ok do this dear heart
heart: ya i'm ready what to do
judge: keep the hand on you chest and answer to question honestly
heart: alright, whats the question
judge: are you confused about this matter
heart: no i'm not confused... i know my heart beats...
unlike the brain... i'm not confused and i'm confident on this matter... atleast i know that the dear one will be here till the end
brain: hahahahaha... you know dear heart... you are a big fool... i pity for you...
heart: thank you dear brain... can i know the reason why you call me that... why are you so pitiful
brain: well you don't have any future in this matter... people can't see you... all they can see is my actions and they will judge our dude based on my actions...
heart: you can't say that... i believe in my future... if there is no future... i prefer not to exist... what makes you think there is no future in this matter...
brain: ohhooo i'm little stressed right now... i will ask our dude to light a smoke
.
.
you know about cigarette...
heart: enough... answer my question..
brain: ok... because i can think on both sides... not like you...
heart: may be i can't think... but i can feel things... right now...i will order our dude to keep you in control...
brain: our dude is a dead soul... he can't control me...
heart: dude is not dead... not untill i gave up...
brain: alright... don't give up... else i will be dead too...
judge: dear heart, what else do you feel...
heart: i feel i can survive... even though i'm hurt... and my love is true and pure... it will never put me into trouble...
brain: hahahahaha... i can control your acts...
heart: hahahhaaha... i can control you only... stupid...
judge: stop fighting and discuss...
brain: ok... dear heart... here is the deal... i won't do anything stupid... but you need to comfort me... let me stay idle... i'm just lazy... don't give me any work... ok??
heart: nice try dear brain... i don't deal with you... wen i can order you... and by the way... you can think on both sides right...
brain: yes, so what...
heart: so here is the fact... i can feel it... you are comfortable only wen you can work... else you will be stressed... so how smart you can work prove that...
brain: thanks for the fact... and i will be ready to help our dude out of misery... so call me when ever you need me...
heart: thats really kind... when i come into action... i will deffinitely need your help... so stay in form
brain: alright... i was never out of form... anyway... waiting for you call...
heart: thank you...
judge: this discussion is adjourned for a while

To love

one wish, perhaps one last wish on your name
wish to know that it was you
who took so much of my mind space
may be you 'or' may be me, how to confirm
its all confusing you know
then why is my heart aching for you
every moment as if it will never find you again
is it another sensory organ to confirm aboout you
what ever it is
i'm not a kind of guy to take all this pain
but why are you allowing all this to happen
rather make me feel pain and nothing at all
for giving up things in the past
never took a thing seriously
i lost them all
let it be to find the true sense, its like
untill you loose them you will never know the true value
now i knew i'm standing, standing still
for my time, time to show all
how important you are to my life
how can i prove, is there a proof at this moment
i'm digging deeper, to clear out all these things
struck with all those reasons
with no reason
watching myself under these feelings
judging to remove all the mirror images
controlling to see the world along with you
you belong to me for ever
i know you can command
command my mind from the heart
make me win
you are the medicine for my sickness, heal me
you are the only bind to bond my heart with my dear one
make me show them the inside out
i know i failed, failed badly trying to materialise you
forgive me for those bad times
and don't mind even if i ask that
when i can feel you, why don't you belong to me
why can't you bring me the happiness and joy
i'm ready, ready to face all the difficulties
while i carry you on my way till the end
show me all the reasons to push the sky a little bit high
just for the sun to shine upon me
use your divine power to clean and make me the purest
take me to show the true colours
this life is just for you
searching to know the true meaning
to feel how it feels to be myself when you are in me
and i'm glad that you are the one in my heart
thank you

journey on the dark

its a dreadfull sight
seeing no where on scale
its not a alienation time
all thousand words at a time
its all black and dark
if the colours mix up
every moment of birth and death
just to think off

only thing is sure, its pain ahead
if you think, i missed yesterday
alone is what i want to feel
but its not clear, its confusing
disguise is all on my mind
its just oppurtunity i missed
only a path in the making

existentialism is the only wrong
to complain, thats just for a while
everyone will be awarded
wen the time comes
patience is all we are loosing
sacrifice is all i'm bargaining
just to reclaim my life

sometimes i'm struck, no direction
only a sood status message
to relief and to prove everything
its just on my mind
every problem of mine
waiting for nothing
pleading hard, with this silence

if you are doing it intentially
i have a word, better do for our good
if you doing unintentially
i prefer not to comment
leavin it for you

goal N path
its goal, which makes you push hard
its the path that leads you
changing the path is just an option
satisfaction is with the path
even if you are struck
its the path we need to decide
if the goal is not immediate

why you want to achieve great?
i failed to answer
but its really great
if you travel a good path
and if your goal is aiming high

pain is all i can see
i'm not afraid as long as you are on my mind
i'm travelling , i'm travelling
travelling alone
wish you will find me
on your way

its all in the game

wen the whole world is upon your head
its time to master the game of control
time to make the rules of the future
it'll beat you down to the ground
and make you fall more sick, fall not
just set your mind and keep playing
and the sun will set for you

its might not be always about you
just remember noone cares a damn
too scared to loose the little one
don't let the little one take upon you
shut down the heart for a while
to figure out the reasons to be met

let there be no one to help you from playing
make the demons wait and watch your play
waiting to scare the shit out of you
leave them no reason
to stop you from playing
embrace them with a surprise
you'll taste the world before the go

all the fingers may point at you
to bring the fear upon your face
make this fear clear the blind in your sight
and the shame to roll down through your back
don't be afraid
the sun will set for you

feel's like i'll never leave this place
leave all this shit to the night
when you are feeling empty
bring her to your memory
crush down all the rest to the sick
unpause the game and begin

when the time comes
bring out all to the surface
and control thyself
just to keep the eye on the sight
don't be afraid to leave the past behind
keep playing, keep playing
the sun will set for your future
to embrace you with glory

Mothers day...

maah, on this special day of yours
lets feel good for all those good times we shared
its my honour to toast you for the love, you gave me
i guess i know how to make you feel proud on my name
its really sad that i took a lot of time to figure it out
please forgive me even i took some more time
and try to understand that i didn't mean to give you pain
i'm really good on my own at this situation of my life
cos you do not know my need, neither do i... i lost it
i don't need any further help from you
just to prove that you made a man out of me
your son is really feeling proud on behalf of you
i'm not an aimless, mindless, wandering piece of stone
grant me some more strength, patience and time
to get ride of all the pain that the world brought upon me
i'm really feeling good on my way to glory
forgive me that i can't giveup all my dreams
but i will sacrifice myself to keep the control on my way
i may fail, but don't let me tremble i will and i can make it
if not today that day is not so far, hold yourself tightly
as i was busy making the way to glory
mom you are really special and i'm proud of it
don't let me get down with your love of mine
stay conscious as we need to journey this darkness seperately
just remember this "i love you no matter what happens"

Dear miss,

there are so many things i want to say
but i guess i never would get a chance
a chance to see the future in your eyes
not untill we confess our trueness
to spread the beauty of never ending story
yeah its the true sickman's love story

sickness with out any sense of feeling
to miss the times that you gave me
i pity myself for such a situation
i anger god for giving me no option, other than
choosing your life and choosing my life
confused by the anger i choose no life

never feel a sorry for what we did
there is no space for regret in this life
this life is full with the emotions that we share
emotions as true as a childs heart
where we found joy and happiness
that might be least you may grant
but that is everything i'm happy abt
i thank god for giving atleast this much
may never see the same in anyone else

thanks for oppurtunity, that i may never see again
atleast i will fight myself not to see again
like we are fighting ourselves all these days
against our own hearts will
let me do this much for my love
even i didn't believe in love untill i see that in you
confused by all those infactuations
took a lot of time to find it in you

it may be hard for you to carry my heart
i wish not to leave that with you
is there nothing left for you to say
i suggest not to expect anything to be perfect
nothing can be perfect without your side
but you can make anything perfect

finally
did i ever told you that my heart
misses a beat everytime it remembers you
i can feel every beat as it says your name
i carry those emotions till the end
swear to keep them warm and close to heart
before you leave me from my eye sight
let me say again i love you till my last breath and
i wish you all the happiness
i wish you all the love
all the best for your life

All they need is some fun...

they don't believe in heaven above
they don't believe in love
Oh girls they just want to have fun
all they really want is some fun

don't tell a lie, but all they show is a lie
don't be untrue, cos it all hits back
Oh girls they just want to have fun
all they really want is some fun

girls just need their names on our heart
to lock us in their empty dreams
in a room behind their smile
oh all they really want is some fun

i have never been lucky in love
you can see in my eyes, it makes me cry
everynight opens fire on my burning heart
calling the heaven above, send me an angel

girls just fucks you a little bit more
all my defenses will be down and gone
i can't survive on my own, my angel
nothing left to make me feel good

It's hard to be lucky in love
But don't give up, don't give up
believe in the heaven above
looking for love, You can be lucky

Thanks for watching as I fall

its nice to know that we were pretending
all this time for our happy moments
It's nice to know that you were there
all the time acting like you don't care
we were meant to be supposed to be
the best, but we are loosing it all
so much to say that we missed nothing
but it seems to feel that we had everything
was this something i dream, or
was it something that you made me feel
let's deal this thing together dear
before all our dreams just fade away
it's not like everything is over
cos i can still feel the pain inside
i know its difficult, but so are we
hanging alone in a place so dead
so high to make me fall to death
it makes me feel like i was the only one
don't let me know that we are done
once again thanks for watching as i fall

thanks to one and all... just remember me even if i'm not there...

My bleeding heart beats... for my love...

on this dark, warm and sweatty nite
i'll try to act surprised abt me
to get my violence on high to
find myself, believing all your lies...

lost all my faith, on this way
trying hard to keep control, with
all bruised and broken bleeding
i can see my world on fire

wen i sit alone it gets a little long
but i need more than myself this time
even if you say to take your hand
i will turn and keep on walking on my way

hey oh.. listen what i say my love
all part of this great plan of life
i'm sure its difficult to understand, but
we will do just what we were meant to do

step from the way you are trying and
you do believe that we do rely on each other
we do have all as a part of this great plan
but we wish to go and grab some more

all that you need to believe in only
those you try to look inside clearly
the more you see the more you'll know
and the more you'll like to let it go

deep beneath the cover of my flesh
you will find it as white as snow
now you bring it up, i'm gonna ring it out
just to hear that we will sing it out loud

privately divided by a world so undecided
i want to desend and amend to a friend, but
all the channels where broken down
and there is no place left for me to go

came to decide that the things that i tried
were in my life just to get high on
but when i leave it on
just come and get to play it on

when will i know that i really can't die
in this well anymore, its time to decide and
i come to believe that i better not leave
before i get my chance to ride

the silent silence on the dark side of the moon

the other voice in my head warns me of a specific thought... even though sometimes that helps me focus on all the pits that are coming my way and makes me get over them.... but for this specific thought it didn't gave any solution... the silent silence in my head.... that makes me tremble... at the same time consciousness says don't do anything stupid.... this thought makes my surroundings dark.... makes me feel the weight of the whole world on my shoulders.... and keeps me silent... hurts haunts my little innocent heart every second.... yes the thought is nothing but about love....

there is nothin in this whole world which can replace what i have lost because of this insane thought... yes i lost it all each and everything... no plans, no future, no present... its all dark before my eyes... i don't know clearly what is that thought also... but it gives me some vague idea like meaningless of life... but is our life really meaningless or is not worth asking that question to ourselves... is it really true that love is just a part of life.... then why my brain, my heart, every drop of blood that is flowing in body says love is every thing... well what ever might be the reason... its better to think that love is just a part of our life and... i'm waiting for some help... i don't know in which form also... but i really need some help and a miracle to happen in my life to get back my life and take myself over this failure... infact if i can get my career back in some form then i think i can get my life into my hands... right now its surely not in my hands... what ever i'm confusing me enough with this bloody blog thing... lets wait and see the coming days....

i'm asking the death god to make me his disciple to kill my brain and which ever organ that is killing me... here is the mantra i'm operating myself to make myself a great disciple of death god... "bug the bitch... believe in your boss... boost every brain... brighten your body"... this aint funny do it every moment... your will become eternal like me...

they say it is just a part... but i'm feeling it is everything...

i liked this pic very much....

the top ten things that i want to prove to myself at any point of my life

this thought suddenly striked me.. what do you want to prove by doing all these things... then a question suddenly raises asking me to whom you want to prove... i want to say depending on the set of people these things will change... here i just want to list few things that i want to prove to my self living this life....

• i always wanted to prove that i'm better than the best wen it comes to personal qualities like organizing myself.... dressing, neatness, opinion, taste, behaviour, etc...
  
• to prove that my life will be full with happiness, joy, enjoyment, etc.....
  
• to prove that every thing in life should me meant to win.... or die trying....
  
• to prove that i can push myself to the sky in every damn thing....
• to prove that my love is pure and true.....
• to prove that i can win myself against every sensory organ that can be distracted by external pleasures in this world....
• to prove that i'm on top of the elite group of professionals in every aspect of life... skills...
  
• to prove that i'm smart in doing things... as well as a very good hard worker....
• to prove that my brain is sharper and there is space to store every damn thing and gain knowledge which counts for my 100% confidence opinion...
• to prove that nothing in this world can let me down at any situation in my life..
• finally i want to prove that i'm livin this life just to prove myself... nothing more nothin less...

hahaha... this is good to write but to put it to test.... well every journey will be started with a first step.... its the little drops that makes the ocean....

if you were the only one to whom i can say everything about myself then.....

this post looks life self analysis, wen some one asks you to tell them about yourself briefly.... this thing generally happens in an interview or at any other instance but the real difference between present post and such type of situations is honesty.... i want to be honest to you because you are the only one for me.... and the mind setup and the thoughts that will rise at the situation of answering... well here is my analysis and conclusion for the present state of mind...

• i'm obsessed with myself because you rejected me....
• i'm dead for the last few months....
• all my dimensions are dying and i'm helpless right now...
  
• i lost my career... and i'm sad because it is happening such an important time of my life
• i'm angry upon myself because of all these things....
• my presence among friends haunts me a lot inside... with a bad feeling i can't explain
  
• i'm really sick in and out...
• i'm waiting for a miracle to happen in my life...
• i'm waiting with fear... what will happen in the few coming days...
• most of all i need you at this point of life to stand beside me...
• i'm curious to know... abt me in your view...
• it hurts me too bad inside wen i want to laugh...
• but i built a fence of pride... it is not allowing me to do anything....
• my world is becoming empty day by day...
• my senses are all dead... i don't feel pain or any other such feelings...
• i want to leave everything behind and wish to run away far from here...
• i wish i should be dead by now...
• i'm addicted to smoking and this kind of living...

my feelings, the wishes that my brain generates from the power it gains from the smoke that burns my lungs in and out every second, the things that want to express so emotionally.... that i love you, i love you the most, if i got a chance to stand back on my own again i will never loose you... i won't make a single mistake, even though i don't feel them as mistakes wen i do them when i sit back alone with a smoke this thing comes to my mind that i'm not satisfied with what i'm doing but what can i do i'm failing to push, this thing is stopping me from doing all those things that i want to do. how can anyone get raid of this pride that you build everything on my own. is there anything which can put me back in that track... i'm really thankfull to everyone if such a mirracle happens in my life or give me that love which i'm expecting from you and i will take you to a different world where there won't be time only happiness and joy... i will prove to yourself that you are special to the whole world that i'm going to build around you...

The blind feeling of love

a feeling, a state of mind, an order from heart with out the minds presense... days are left dry, time travels on its own way, mind freezes out wandering holly places, surroundings turning dark everywhere and everything looks sorrow, a pitiful situation. a strange feeling of failure.